cincai update..

Blog is closing temporary..until at least i am free to write it....

Studies is !@#$%^@#$%^@#$%^&#$%^ killing me...and work 2....anyway..other stuffs are just nice...

Cant wait for Christmas break from all the classes and work....then again..i will be at home studying..so its not that relaxing neither....

I miss home..havent seen daddy and mummy for a long long long long long long long time...

Good bye "dota" for now...i am sorry i abandon you...i know i should not..but i already have a new "thing" in my life.....

Sorry everyone..i just dont have enough time for any of you anymore..please forgive me...will try my best to meet you all..during chinese new year...(if i am ready for the exams in May)..if not..i maybe wil opt to skip chinese new year ..or maybe cut it short...T.T..


Stressful......tiredness.....socialess....gg-ness...:-D

THANK YOU GOD..and all my friends as well..

To the extend of God's blessing...my ptptn loan has just been approved.This means i will have enough money to pay off my school fees.(a little bit extra) to spend..:-D....

Thank you to those whom have borrowed me a lum sum of money earlier..Once the 1st payment is in..i wil return to you all..really thank you..owe you guys big time....

Schooling is damn busy..always also tak cukup tidur..not really having enough rest time...everyday also very gg leh...haiz..

Then again..Thank you to those who has helped me..you know who you are...and THANK GOD for the never ending blessings that HE had given to me...

back to school

I am officially back to STUDYING!!!!!

YIPPIE......

Please call me a student now..Thank you..:-D

F-O-U-R

It has been a while...
A long journey,
Lots of ups and downs,
Right and wrong,
Black and white,
Tears and laughter,
But never the less,
You are still the one I love :)

Looking forward for more of these happy moments together. . .
Happy 4th Anniversary . . .

60%done..40% more to go

I have manage to collect 60% of the school fees that i need..yet..still 40% more to go..and this is just the 1st semester's school fees..In case u all wondering what course i will be studying..i can officially say..its my dream..my childhood dream course that i wanted to take since primary school....Its...Its..LAW..

Yes..you have read it right..its LAW..which means i can..and i will become a LAWYER..muahaha..proud of me yeh???i know i know..i always talk a lot ma..well..maybe this is a good start to becoming a good lawyer...hehe

My friends always call me "talk cock king" woo..this is because i never stop crapping about life..haha..and this makes me feel more of the "potiential" hidden in me which qualifies me to become a lawyer..haha..never would i thought that this dream could come true..I Seriously wanna thank those who have helped me with the HUGE school fees..

Yes..u know who u are..u guys/girls are the proud friend that me Jackie Teng are proud to have..and i am willing to exchange my life for anyone of u when ever u guys/girls need it..i promise u all that..

Life will not be the same from next weeks onwards..just another more 40% and i am off to go to become a student again..

PS:my best friend is back from his intership training..and he seems like a Thailand friend to me more than Malaysian = =""..

A chance....

Looking at all the graduation pictures that my friend uploads in Facebooks kinda make me sad..this is because everytime when i hear the word graduation..i know i will wun have a chance to be like them..really envy looking at all of them wearing the"square hat"kinda proud of them..but at the same time..those feeling of me cant be there to graduate with them is a bit too much to be mixed with..Jz is gonna graduate in Oct....which i am gonna attend no matter wat..cause he is my best friend..and that will be the best motivation for me to try harder.

Neverless my prayers has been answered.God has given me another chance to study..but yet..it comes with a lot of big challenges and a great price to pay..

In less than 10 days..i will have the chance to study the course that all along i have always wanted to study..in my way..and also a time of my choice...but all these studies comes in a great price and also heavy sacrifices..i cant go out lepak anymore..spending everymonth will be cut down at least 50%...

But those are just the minor things that i am worried about..my main concern..will be the school fees which would be a BOMB to me...sitting here thinking how to pay the bloody damn school fees makes me so stress..i dun feel like working now..whole mind is thinking about the upcoming school fees...

Life sucks when you are force to do something you dun like..= =""

Noobiest act by noobie potato

This could be the silliest or should I say, the noobiest thing that my potato has ever did and told me. This is what happened...

During MSN conversation :-

Potato : I have something funny to tell you
Me : OK.. what is it?
Potato : Later... I'll tell you through the phone
Me : OK..

Then later on....

Potato : You know what I did just now?
Me : No...?
Potato : Just now I went over to Ridzuan condo to have dinner with Darren before goin' to the movies with him. I've parked my car near the burger stall opposite Ridzuan's main entrance...
Me : Ok... then...?
Potato : Then when we settled everything in Ridzuan, we went to get the car. There was another blue color Naza Sutera (the exact same car model n shade as his car) parked near the burger stall when I went to collect my car. So I just entered the car (without checking the plate number) since I parked there earlier.
Me : Hmmm.. ok. . . *beginning to wonder what he did*
Potato : The door to the car was not locked. So I got a shock... I thought I have forgotten to lock them earlier. So I panicked, afraid that something was stolen from the car. Then I entered the car and tried to start it, but it won't! The double signal lights keep blinking, like when the alarm was on. Then I turned around to check to see if anything is missing in the car... and guessed what! The cushion covers were gone.
Me : Hmmm.... okie....
Potato : Then Darren opened the dashboard, and saw 2 packs of Malboro light. Makes me wonder why the thief go through so many things and yet left two packs of ciggarates for me. Hahaha!
Me : Ok... then...?
Potato : Then I wanted to open the bonnet to check if the engine is still there. And
wanted to call Sherrie to tell her that her car has being broken into.
Then I walked to the front of the car, only to realize that the car plate number.. is different... not mine. *sigh* I walked into another fella's car thinking it was mine.
Me : Wakakakakakakakakaka..... *ROFL* U r damn silly... so potatowie!! wakakakakakakakakkakakakakkaka *laughing non stop*
Potato : Then I searched for my car... mana tau it was parked directly behind the car that I just entered. I was like . . . . . =_+"
Me : *still laughin non stop*
Potato : And you know what is the funniest thing?
Me : what?
Potato : The owner of that car did not even notice about it, when I was already in the car for about 5 minutes. I think he was busy buying burger. ha ha ha
Me : sweat!!! how you know if the fella is buying burger? maybe he's staying there?
Potato : Dunno la.. but it was damn funny la. Then I was scolded by Darren. He said 'your own car also cannot recognise...=_=" '
Me : Hahahahahhaa......

So... the conclusion is, next time please remember where is the exact spot you parked your car, remember remember to always lock your doors, and most importantly, even if you remembered the first 2 reminder, PLEASE please please please CHECK your CAR PLATE number before going into the vehicle. Please do not end up like dear potato :p

Hahahahahahahaha **ROFL**

cameron

saya di cameron now..muahahaha

I love the environment here...so nice..the home feeling cannot be describe..neither can it be replace by any other stuffs..

Starbucks in the only hiding place that i like to come back here...because here got free wifi..tho the drinks are really expensive..but to me..as long as i get free internet..a bit of extra money is something i must splash out..

I hate the weather here..its too cold..i hate cold weather..no matter how many layers of shirts i wear...i still kena flu.....kek sei betul...

anyway...who ever planning to come visit me..better do it before this saturday..because i plan to go down 1 day earlier than i planned..which means saturday..as the weather here is really killing me...i dun think i can tahan until sunday...scare i become ice popsicle before i reach back to civilization..muahaha

chicken pox..

i think..my office is full of chicken pox bacteria..= =""

One of my boss's daughter kena chicken pox..and my guess is..i will soon to be the next victim of chicken pox...oh no.....i dun wan to kena chicken pox leh...all these while i have been trying to avoid those ppl who got chicken pox because i know if i got chicken pox at this age..i most probaly will "gg.com" my self..

I am really scare of chicken pox..since yesterday i found out that the daughter had chicken pox..i cant stop thinking that i might be the next because we work in the same office leh...many things tat he touched can easily spread the virus to me..= =""

I have been trying to avoid my boss..but i doubt i will be lucky this time...since yesterday afternoon i felt my whole body quite itchy...(sei for...is the chicken pox bacteria in my body liao??)Gosh..my whole body itchy la...= =""

vacation

After so many months of "hardwork" and also "stress"..i finally decide to go on a vacation to Langkawi..:-D

I m glad that i made this decision because i really need a vacation to get away from all the unhealthy thinking that is going on in my mind..i am so tired..i m so tired until even i get 12 hours or sleep also i am still feeling tired...i hate my life right now..i badly..desperately need a vacation..some where out of Malaysia..especially KL...i hate KL...

I wished that many things that happened before did not occur...i m so tired thinking of the past...i should move on...i wished that i never done some things before..but yet..all these happened..and there is nothing i can do to change the past..

I hope this trip will really charged me up..i know there are many more things ahead..many more obstacles ahead that i need to face..really looking forward to this trip tho its 1 months ++ away...(no choice la..air ticket cheaper if u book earlier..:P)

Something happening

I can sense that something..slowly...slowly..really slow..is happening inside me...

The other day i was having a drink with friend in Subaidah...and i met her new friend...then i realise..lately..i have taken many steps slowly...i starting to feel that i am very "old man " leh..i was suppose to go home before 9..but then i decided to finish the tea ice before i go home..even tho i was really late..but i didnt rush my self at all..it feels strange..because this is so not me..what had happened to me that could make me slow down and take things slowy??i really dun know...

On the way back home..i drove quite slow..i think about 60km/h....(that is slow compare to my normal speed..:-D)..all the way back home..my brain cant stop thinking..what on earth could have make me slow down suddenly...i dun feel the "rush" that i always have..

But then i realised..its because i have just gotten up from a big fall...and my movements are not like old times anymore...i starting to walk slower..and take longer time in completing things..perhaps its a good sign for me because i use to be so rushing until i do/say things without even think...and i make a lot of stupid mistake because of wat i have done...

Reading will soon become a habit to me..well..i admit..i like reading craps..but at least its a start to me right???i have been spending more and more time in bookstores lately..compare to all the previous years i had here...

I have decided to take on guitar lessons from a friend,..but firstly i need to get a guitar..= =""..plan to go hang over for few months until my skills are much more presentable so that i can continue with my "big secret plan" that i had for years..muahahaha...

Same old people..new life..

My dear beloved sister Sherrie is back here liao le....muahaha.i miss her so much..hugged her so long when i saw her in the airport that day..hahaha....

My sister has always guide me thru many things in life..she is like an angel sent by God to guide me..to help me..and most importantly..to help me stand up from the falls i had....She is scary..regardless how nice she look..she is scary..haha..well..even tho she just came back for a few days liao..but we still argue with each other most of the time..just like old times..

Thank you Sherrie for coming back at this time..i got so many things to tell u..so many things happened for the past few months..i really need a shoulder to cry on..T.T..

Life is getting different nowdays..Jz is leaving for internship soon...can u imagine that??my best friend of 18 years is set to leave me alone here for 2 bloody months..or maybe more...haiz..gotta learn on how to come up with something new for my after work plan..

I am so used to having jz around here until i didnt realise that i always count on him in so many ways..i have forgotten on how to find my own entertaiment sometimes..but well..1 thing i learn for the past few months is..when nothing goes in ur way...u just have to accept it and go on with ur life...

Money is getting lesser and lesser..and my new semester of study seems to be fading..haiz..i really wish to study leh..i miss study life..haha..i know..its ironic...hehe..but i really wan to have a degree soon..hmm..any ways for me to loan a big sum of money??send me sms/call my new number to tell me okay??

Blogging will be in my list of activities to do when i bored..haha..welcome back to blogging life..

Am planning a vacation to visit JZ at perhentian beach where he is doing his internship..woo hoo..cant wait for it...(free accomodation can save a lot..okay??)anyone who wans to join please inform me early..because i am planning to go in July...woo hoo..cant wait for it to come...

Forgotten

Have u ever realise that some day..and some how...u just seems to have forgotten something??well..i realise that..because of so many things happened for the past few months...i have forgotten my self...i forgotten what and who that is important in my life...i have learned one of the greatest lesson of all times..

Human will fall down..and eventually learn on how to stand up...We will always keep things in our heart..things that we learned..things that we secretly do and felt..in that little corner in our hearts..because we thought that its the safest place to be..but yet...we didnt realise..that its also the most painful way to keep a memory...

I learned on how to move on..because at this stage.. too many things happen at such a short time...i realise i have forgotten my self...i m tired...i decide to stop waiting..stop hoping..and stop dreaming..this world is cruel...this world is very "real"..there is no more fantasy in this world...

The most important thing is..i have seen the true colours of many things..friendship..love..careers.. and most of all...i have seen the real me..what i am capable of doing...i still keep secrets of my self...but its time to let go..my new life is ahead...

Good bye the old me...

Animal lovers

Attention to all animal lovers, especially dog lovers!!

Have you ever been to Pulau Ketam? I certainly have not, but from what I read, this place is usually stray dog free. Huh? How come? It's quite impossible not to have stray dogs at places where there are food supplies right. Well, this is possible in Pulau Ketam. How did they do that? Simple. They just rounded up all the stray dogs and deport them to an isolated island which has no food or water supply, an island only magroove trees and birds are able to survive. These dogs are left to starve to death. Don't you think this is very inhumane. How can such human being still exist at this time of the century?!

Anyways, if you are an animal lover, especially a dog lover, please do kindly help out. Make the right decision. You can read more about what happened from here and here.

Dogs need food, water and a place to stay too just like us human being. Sometimes they are much better of compared to human beings. At least they remain loyal to you throughout their life. I'm blessed that I've managed to rescue several dogs from the streets and are able to kept them for a while. They are truely adorable and they can be your best friend if you give them a chance to be one.

change of number

Dear all friends..

I will be changing my old number starting from today onwards..Kindly msg my old number to get the new number.You have 1 week to do so..hahaha...thank you for all your support..Take care..God bless..

It's been a week. . .

It's been a week since everything happened. Seems like it was just yesterday that everything was alright. And now, everything that I dared to dream of, the dreams of spending the future years together with you, building a happy future with you came crushing down just like that. The dreams that has been with me for the past 4 years just went down the drain.

Have you ever wonder if it would hurt me this much or you have already expected this earlier on? I really have no idea. Right now, I'm seriously numb, I don't even know who I am anymore, what I want, where I'm gonna be the very next minute. All I really need now is some support, I don't care if its from you, or from my friends, or family. Anybody will do. I feel so desperate for someone to talk to. To tell me that things are gonna be ok, that once everything is settled down, all of this would just be a nightmare. Yet, I dare not even confront anybody about this problem, let alone my bestest best friend. I doubt that she even knows what is happening to me. I'm such a loser.

Right now, the only way for me to seek comfort is to visit my sick cousin in the hospital , chat with my aunt who's taking care of her sick kid and keep them happy. Keeping them happy makes me feel accomplished. Makes me feel that I can still make somebody happy with my presence, when I thought I was a mere nobody in this world. At least by doing so, I feel that I am able to channel those positive energy to find back whom I used to be, and what I used to be, so that I can be a better person to whom ever that needs me to be by their side later on.

But for the time being, I shall just be the numb one till I find the strength to do so. I have promised you that I will stop doing silly things like hurting myself physically and mentally anymore, and I am gonna make that happen. So I really hope you keep to your promises of finding back yourself, what you want, whom you wanna be, where you wanna be, etc. And I hope and pray that when the tide on both sides of the ocean (you and me) has cool down, we're able to sit down and talk peacefully and ammend things once again.

Thank you for being (officially) by my side for the past 4 years, and also the years before that. I really appreciate it, and I really hope that you will treasure all those things that we had gone through just to get accepted by both families and friends (tho I'm still not very sure that I'm accepted by ur family and vice versa). Meanwhile, please take your time and rethink of your purposes and aims in life, things you want and need. I'll always be waiting for you to hear your decision... and I hope I will hear those that I would really want to hear. Till then, this might be the last entry from me, until I feel like there are things that I could not tell you verbally. So... please take good care of yourself!

What the heck is wrong with my life?

I don't know where to start, I don't know where to end. What we have gone through so far should have actually brought us closer together, stronger and more loving as a couple. But look at what and where we are today? I can't believe that I'm such a foolish girl to fall for such simple love trap and destroy what we have built for the past few years with my own bare hands.

True enough that diamonds and money are a girl's best friend, but nothing, not even diamonds and money is able to replace you as my best friend. You who have been my soul mate for the past couple of years, you are the only one who knows my deepest, darkest and meanest secret. I really treasure everything and every moment we have spent together. Thank you so much for everything.

But what I really needed from you now is you, You being mine Alone. I can't, I really can't afford sharing you with anything or anybody else. Forgive me for my selfishness, but to me I feel that as your girlfriend, I have the right to not share you with anybody, especially with other ladies. I am very afraid, very very very very afraid of loosing you.

Sitting here, wide awake at 5am in the morning, listening to you sms-ing other people about things that you said you can't and don't want to talk to me makes me really sad and heart-broken. I don't even have to guess whom you are texting to cos I know that if I do open my mouth to that question, we would end up having a big argument again over some useless topic that do not exist. So what I can do now is just sit here and type. Seclude myself in my own comfort zone, where I can pretend and think that live is all about fairy tales and someday, my prince charming, you would come sweep me away from all these troubles, and live a fairy tale like life in the future, where everything would end with the line "And they live happily ever after". I know it is stupid, and childish. But there is no harm done, as this is only a virtual world. How I wish I could just remain in this virtual world forever, and never have to face the real scary world.

But *slaps own face*, its time to wake up!!! It's already 6am!!! Stop dreaming and come back to reality and face the ugly world. Heck! What world? I don't even know what world I'm living. Since I don't have a purpose in life, I really don't know what world that I'm living in. I used to think that by making you my world, everything would be alright. Not knowing that by doing so, I'm actually putting a lot of unnecessarily pressure on you, pushing our relationship to the edge of the cliff.

Sorry for being a burden for you all these while. It is time for me to learn how to face the world alone. Frankly speaking, I'm a loner. I don't have much friends, so my world pretty much revolves around you. I'm not like you, a ladies guy, a people person. I may seem to have a lot of friends, but a lot of them are just superficial ones. I'm shy to say that those that I'm close with are only a few, and I do cherish them a lot. But that doesn't mean that I'll share everything with them. I hardly even turn to them when I'm stuck in a relationship trouble, besides one *and you know who you are my dear*. Unlike you, you are able to turn to a lot of people, which makes me even more vulnerable and afraid that someday, all that you will talk to me is "Lets go grab dinner", "Lets go watch a movie that you like", "Goodnight" and "good bye".

Sometimes I really wish that I could turn back time and pull back all those nasty, stupid and idiotic words that came out from my mouth, wishing that everything would return to normal. But such things like time travel, time machine, memory erasers... all of these only exist in fairytale or movie world.

I wanna make things work, but how? Who is there to guide me? Nobody. I gotta do it myself... MYSELF! You? You have plenty of friends to help you on it. You can always turn to somebody and somebody would always be there to help you. Me? I'm a loner. I'm a lone wolf. I do everything by myself. No wonder I'm such a failure as a girlfriend. Sometimes I feel that I'm better off dead. But what keeps me going on everyday, no matter how bad I feel, is You. If you would and could not stand by me, and share things with me, how are we gonna pull through this? I know I have temper issues. I'm trying. But how? Nobody is there to help me when I fall, so give me time. If you were to help me, please give me time to find back whom am I. Who is the girl that you fell in love with. If you don't even try to help, I won't be able to find my old-self back. I will be drifted further and further from you.

So please, I beg you. Please help me. Please do not treat me as an outsider. I am your girlfriend. I want to be in your life forever, face you forever in my life. I really want you to be mine forever. I don't care if people wanna say that I'm "thick skin" or "tak tau malu" or what so ever, but I'm making my statement here and I'm making it clear. My dearest Jackie, I want to be yours forever! I don't care if you are gonna make me your wife or mistress, I will stay with you forever, through rain or shine. So please do not banish me into the dark side of our relationship. I really want to make everything work, and I want to have a fairytale-like life with you. I really do. So please... help me to be a better person, the person that I used to be. Not the b**** that I am right now. Please....

A new start...

Something has change...and its effecting me...and its a good start to a new life..

I cant wait for a lot of upcoming things...how i wish it wil just come right now...

Cant wait..i just cant wait....Time ah time...fly faster la...i really cant wait la..:-D...

Praying for many upcoming things as well.

Which Malaysian Blogger Are You?

Did a kenny sia survey just now...the result wasnt anything tat i expected...= =""

Anyhow..here is the result....i guess..the survey must have mistaken my name as a girl's name..

Congratulations jackie, you are...

Joyce the Fairy of xanga.com/kinkybluefairy

If you are a car, your fuel of choice would be unleaded alcohol. You are a major party animal with an unnatural obsession with art, toys and all things fantasy. You think the world is too complicated and you wished it could be as simple as it was when you were 7 years old. You live with it. You work hard, but you don't take for granted the simple things in life that make you happy. Sweet candy, cartoon music, crazy friends, all these and more make you a happy person living in your own little world.

Which Malaysian Blogger Are You?

CNY CNY!!

Its the time of the year again where everyone will go back to their hometown....

Well..this year i will drive back Cameron without my sister(currently in Philippines) doing missionaries...haha..means..more space in the car for my things

Preparing for CNY is never easy for me as i never done it before..haha..(i know i know..not my fault,my sister pampered me too much before)

Anyhow..this Chinese New Year..i spend jor a whooping rm 400 for the things...(non of the things belongs to me)...= ="""....now only i realise how much i miss my dear sister...sobsob...my wallet keep on "screaming" for pain...(HOUUUUU TONNGGGG AHHHHH)

Never have i realise,that spending for CNY could cost me that much....really beh tahan...

Anyway...CNY is about family reunion and tho my sister is not here..we know tat she Will always be missed in our heart..especially my mom and dad who shed tears when we online to web cam with her on the "30th night"...

CNY always means a lot to me because this is the only time of the year i get to yum cha with all my "pig fri dog ends"....hahaha...those friends whom have helped me and guide me thru out the years in cameron...really appreciate them...

This year CNY means a lot to me because for the 1st time..i am taking up a lot of responsibility which includes buying all those things(biscuits,long kei,mandarin oranges and so on)an since my sister is not here...this year on the "30th night" i actually bought my parents to eat out..(1st time in the Teng Family History of mine).and i paid the bill.(."fui yoh..like a big boy who earns a lot... = ="" ).haha...too bad my sister cant join me..:P

Will start writing more blogs after this CNY as i m much more free after this..