Animal lovers

Attention to all animal lovers, especially dog lovers!!

Have you ever been to Pulau Ketam? I certainly have not, but from what I read, this place is usually stray dog free. Huh? How come? It's quite impossible not to have stray dogs at places where there are food supplies right. Well, this is possible in Pulau Ketam. How did they do that? Simple. They just rounded up all the stray dogs and deport them to an isolated island which has no food or water supply, an island only magroove trees and birds are able to survive. These dogs are left to starve to death. Don't you think this is very inhumane. How can such human being still exist at this time of the century?!

Anyways, if you are an animal lover, especially a dog lover, please do kindly help out. Make the right decision. You can read more about what happened from here and here.

Dogs need food, water and a place to stay too just like us human being. Sometimes they are much better of compared to human beings. At least they remain loyal to you throughout their life. I'm blessed that I've managed to rescue several dogs from the streets and are able to kept them for a while. They are truely adorable and they can be your best friend if you give them a chance to be one.

change of number

Dear all friends..

I will be changing my old number starting from today onwards..Kindly msg my old number to get the new number.You have 1 week to do so..hahaha...thank you for all your support..Take care..God bless..

It's been a week. . .

It's been a week since everything happened. Seems like it was just yesterday that everything was alright. And now, everything that I dared to dream of, the dreams of spending the future years together with you, building a happy future with you came crushing down just like that. The dreams that has been with me for the past 4 years just went down the drain.

Have you ever wonder if it would hurt me this much or you have already expected this earlier on? I really have no idea. Right now, I'm seriously numb, I don't even know who I am anymore, what I want, where I'm gonna be the very next minute. All I really need now is some support, I don't care if its from you, or from my friends, or family. Anybody will do. I feel so desperate for someone to talk to. To tell me that things are gonna be ok, that once everything is settled down, all of this would just be a nightmare. Yet, I dare not even confront anybody about this problem, let alone my bestest best friend. I doubt that she even knows what is happening to me. I'm such a loser.

Right now, the only way for me to seek comfort is to visit my sick cousin in the hospital , chat with my aunt who's taking care of her sick kid and keep them happy. Keeping them happy makes me feel accomplished. Makes me feel that I can still make somebody happy with my presence, when I thought I was a mere nobody in this world. At least by doing so, I feel that I am able to channel those positive energy to find back whom I used to be, and what I used to be, so that I can be a better person to whom ever that needs me to be by their side later on.

But for the time being, I shall just be the numb one till I find the strength to do so. I have promised you that I will stop doing silly things like hurting myself physically and mentally anymore, and I am gonna make that happen. So I really hope you keep to your promises of finding back yourself, what you want, whom you wanna be, where you wanna be, etc. And I hope and pray that when the tide on both sides of the ocean (you and me) has cool down, we're able to sit down and talk peacefully and ammend things once again.

Thank you for being (officially) by my side for the past 4 years, and also the years before that. I really appreciate it, and I really hope that you will treasure all those things that we had gone through just to get accepted by both families and friends (tho I'm still not very sure that I'm accepted by ur family and vice versa). Meanwhile, please take your time and rethink of your purposes and aims in life, things you want and need. I'll always be waiting for you to hear your decision... and I hope I will hear those that I would really want to hear. Till then, this might be the last entry from me, until I feel like there are things that I could not tell you verbally. So... please take good care of yourself!

What the heck is wrong with my life?

I don't know where to start, I don't know where to end. What we have gone through so far should have actually brought us closer together, stronger and more loving as a couple. But look at what and where we are today? I can't believe that I'm such a foolish girl to fall for such simple love trap and destroy what we have built for the past few years with my own bare hands.

True enough that diamonds and money are a girl's best friend, but nothing, not even diamonds and money is able to replace you as my best friend. You who have been my soul mate for the past couple of years, you are the only one who knows my deepest, darkest and meanest secret. I really treasure everything and every moment we have spent together. Thank you so much for everything.

But what I really needed from you now is you, You being mine Alone. I can't, I really can't afford sharing you with anything or anybody else. Forgive me for my selfishness, but to me I feel that as your girlfriend, I have the right to not share you with anybody, especially with other ladies. I am very afraid, very very very very afraid of loosing you.

Sitting here, wide awake at 5am in the morning, listening to you sms-ing other people about things that you said you can't and don't want to talk to me makes me really sad and heart-broken. I don't even have to guess whom you are texting to cos I know that if I do open my mouth to that question, we would end up having a big argument again over some useless topic that do not exist. So what I can do now is just sit here and type. Seclude myself in my own comfort zone, where I can pretend and think that live is all about fairy tales and someday, my prince charming, you would come sweep me away from all these troubles, and live a fairy tale like life in the future, where everything would end with the line "And they live happily ever after". I know it is stupid, and childish. But there is no harm done, as this is only a virtual world. How I wish I could just remain in this virtual world forever, and never have to face the real scary world.

But *slaps own face*, its time to wake up!!! It's already 6am!!! Stop dreaming and come back to reality and face the ugly world. Heck! What world? I don't even know what world I'm living. Since I don't have a purpose in life, I really don't know what world that I'm living in. I used to think that by making you my world, everything would be alright. Not knowing that by doing so, I'm actually putting a lot of unnecessarily pressure on you, pushing our relationship to the edge of the cliff.

Sorry for being a burden for you all these while. It is time for me to learn how to face the world alone. Frankly speaking, I'm a loner. I don't have much friends, so my world pretty much revolves around you. I'm not like you, a ladies guy, a people person. I may seem to have a lot of friends, but a lot of them are just superficial ones. I'm shy to say that those that I'm close with are only a few, and I do cherish them a lot. But that doesn't mean that I'll share everything with them. I hardly even turn to them when I'm stuck in a relationship trouble, besides one *and you know who you are my dear*. Unlike you, you are able to turn to a lot of people, which makes me even more vulnerable and afraid that someday, all that you will talk to me is "Lets go grab dinner", "Lets go watch a movie that you like", "Goodnight" and "good bye".

Sometimes I really wish that I could turn back time and pull back all those nasty, stupid and idiotic words that came out from my mouth, wishing that everything would return to normal. But such things like time travel, time machine, memory erasers... all of these only exist in fairytale or movie world.

I wanna make things work, but how? Who is there to guide me? Nobody. I gotta do it myself... MYSELF! You? You have plenty of friends to help you on it. You can always turn to somebody and somebody would always be there to help you. Me? I'm a loner. I'm a lone wolf. I do everything by myself. No wonder I'm such a failure as a girlfriend. Sometimes I feel that I'm better off dead. But what keeps me going on everyday, no matter how bad I feel, is You. If you would and could not stand by me, and share things with me, how are we gonna pull through this? I know I have temper issues. I'm trying. But how? Nobody is there to help me when I fall, so give me time. If you were to help me, please give me time to find back whom am I. Who is the girl that you fell in love with. If you don't even try to help, I won't be able to find my old-self back. I will be drifted further and further from you.

So please, I beg you. Please help me. Please do not treat me as an outsider. I am your girlfriend. I want to be in your life forever, face you forever in my life. I really want you to be mine forever. I don't care if people wanna say that I'm "thick skin" or "tak tau malu" or what so ever, but I'm making my statement here and I'm making it clear. My dearest Jackie, I want to be yours forever! I don't care if you are gonna make me your wife or mistress, I will stay with you forever, through rain or shine. So please do not banish me into the dark side of our relationship. I really want to make everything work, and I want to have a fairytale-like life with you. I really do. So please... help me to be a better person, the person that I used to be. Not the b**** that I am right now. Please....